Pre-Ramadan Reflections

I had the idea to start this today.

Since I don't believe in coincidences and had this tugging feeling that I needed to do this, I clicked open to this site, scrolled down to the blog tab, and smiled as I saw how my last post was May 27, 2020.

I am not a blogger nor did I really have any intention of writing on here consistently when I created this site for my tutoring services. It was just a place to copy and paste my featured articles if I felt like it. I haven't. Yet here I am almost a year later because I feel drawn to it. It's funny how we start things and much later, they grow into things we never even planned.

So here we go.

Today is March 28, 2021. I am making up my second fast today from last Ramadan-- it also happens to be the 14th of Shaban which my mother told me to fast for. As someone who's always been drilled with the importance of intention, this is a make-up fast for me that I just happened to do in this special time slightly because I have waited almost a full year since last Ramadan to make up my fasts.

I know I'm not the only one who tells themselves they're going to make them up in winter when the days are short but then spring comes around and... it's now or never.

And now looks significantly better than the guilt of never, so it's now.

I have never consciously put effort into fasting and spiritually preparing Ramadan two weeks before it descends upon us so I wanted to do it this time around. God is the best of planners and only He knows who of us will make it to Ramadan and who will pass away before or during it.

I remember how the legend Muhammad Ali passed away in 2016 three days before Ramadan and having that exact same thought. It was a shock to the Muslim community and brought a solemnity into Ramadan that wasn't there before.

To be honest, lately, I've been dreading the thought of Ramadan because I've just been thinking about sitting in my house for thirty days with a minimum of thirty zoom calls a week with no food or water. Until yesterday, driving through Shenandoah mountains having random conversations with my family, that my thoughts changed.

We came upon the topic of Ramadan and what our goals were. So I thought I would write them here to take up some square inches on the Internet instead of in a journal or google doc.

a. Deep Duas

I want to delve much deeper into dua this Ramadan than I have my entire life. To shift my relationship with Allah from the perspective of "I have to" to "I want to lean on Allah" instead. So when I feel crippling burnout or longing sadness, I turn to Allah. When I feel vibrant joy or intense wonder for life, I turn to Allah. Funny enough, I tend to turn to God more when I'm grateful than when I'm sad or going through something.

Maybe it's because of all the lectures I've heard growing up about how people always turn to God when they need something but abandon Him when life is good. I think my mind might have subconsciously switched on me to where it's when I'm grateful, I remember Allah more.

This Ramadan I want to use all my Islamic Studies curriculum knowledge I taught to my students about the best way to make dua and put it to use. Every single day.

b. Enjoying My Prayers

I want to pray all of my five prayers on time and feel them. I have learned and taught the meanings/importance of Surah Fatiha and some other small surahs so my goal is to really reflect and feel them in my prayers this Ramadan.

Instead of rushing or doing them a little robotically, I want to savor them and pray them fully in the present. We never truly know which prayer will be our last. I'm happy I'm writing these out today so I can start putting them into practice starting in 35 minutes when it's Maghrib time.

c. My Second Khatam

While I spend 2-3 hours every day tutoring Quran, I want to read another khatam--something I haven't done in six or seven years. Alhamdulilah, reading fast is not a challenge for me I just never go through with it. So this year, I am making a promise to myself to do it.

Those three are my priorities and I will start a. and b. today. Maybe I'll even start my khatam today, I guess you'll know soon.