9 hours until 19 years old

Back again so soon.

I was doing laundry and getting ready to work on my client progress reports I'm sending out tomorrow when I thought about writing a piece about turning 19. Normally, I would write my thoughts in one of my diaries but since my last piece, I've found that I am more reflective and write more extensively on my laptop instead of pen and paper.

The thoughts just flow better as they come just as fast as they are typed.

We (my mom, sister, and I) went to Cheesecake Factory today and when they brought out my birthday Mango Keylime Cheesecake, one of the waiters who looked to be in his fifties said to me, "enjoy your last year being a teen." I sit here hours later on the edge of my bed with 'Feels Like Coming Home' by Jetta in my ears as I think about his words.

My last year being a teen.

Life never truly goes the way we want it to go and for that... I'm so thankful. I could have never imagined—no I did imagine—rather I never thought I would do all the things I'm doing now looking back last April 1st.

In the past twelve months, I wrote my first book, started my first business, joined five organizations, had my work published fourteen times, and have learned so much about gratitude and contentment.

In the past twelve months, I have lost three family members, suffered through crippling burnout and with my mental health, questioned everything, and thought often about not being here anymore.

It wouldn't feel right to leave out one of these sentences to paint it all roses or all rainstorms. Nothing is infinite besides God and everything eventually passes—whether physically, with our mentality, or through circumstance... nothing lasts forever.

That is a beautiful peace but also a sorrowful truth. It's calming to know none of our struggles will last eternally while it's haunting to know nothing and no one will always be in our lives.

This reminds me of a TikTok sound I heard that goes like: 'maybe the fact that life doesn't last forever is what makes it so magical.' Every time I hear that it gets to me. Why is it that death is sometimes the wake-up call that works like nothing else?

Life is so precious which makes me so grateful to be nineteen. Another 365 days around the sun and I feel the happiest and most fulfilled I can remember. Contentment. That has to be the biggest gift I've received this year. Even most times when I feel my saddest, I still feel at peace with the direction my life is going.

The second biggest gift I've received this year is learning to give myself grace and be at peace with existing. Just existing. Part of what has made this happen is creating my one-minute vlogs every day and longer ones this past summer. Putting all of the small clips together to a song I love that day and turning it into a little montage to look back on has really made me find the magic in the mundane.

I've fallen in love with life through appreciating its simple pleasures. Not all of them, as I still struggle to stay in the present and not go on my phone—but more than I used to. Appreciating the small things leads to me feeling grateful leads to me thanking remembering God which leads to even the smallest action feeling significant.

I have learned that my life is so full of meaning and everything happens for a reason.

I've also learned that my mind is a magnet and it is so powerful—perception is pivotal. This past year, I've gotten rid of a lot of my limiting beliefs and trained myself to stress less. I've also given myself grace more and have tried to not be so hard on myself.

This next year, I hope to be sweeter to myself and others. I hope to grow and improve my relationship with God. I hope to conquer my fears of failure when it comes to my book and driving. I hope to make my health a priority and move my body every single day. This year, I hope to help others more and make a bigger difference.

I remember in high school when I was just about to start eleventh grade, I told my brother that I want to make junior year my year. I will forever remember what he said in response: "make every year your year."

So I will. My nineteenth year on this beautiful Earth will be my year if God allows it. I will do my best to show up as my best self every day even if that means doing nothing sometimes.

I will make every year my year... until the years run out.